The Fight Is On!
by AuroraKnight
Summary: Chloe and Lana decide to battle for Clark the television way - on Jerry Springer. Who's to say what'll happen when the girls go to war? Also an appearance from surprise characters! R&R! Now Completed!
1. It's On!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the Smallville characters, the show Smallville, or Lois Lane. Nor am I affiliated with any of the actors, creators or producers.

**Note:** This is just a fic for fun. If it offends anyone please let me know and I'll be sure to remove it right away.  
  
Jerry Springer: Smallville Style  
  
Clark could hear the incredibly loud yells of the audience from the back room where he was seated. He was sitting on a blue couch: a mighty uncomfortable one, he had to add. Why he was here, he had no idea, but he hadn't put up a fight when Chloe had grabbed both him and Pete and dragged them off to a studio somewhere. Actually no, that's a lie. There was a car sent for them. It was sleek, like something Lionel would be driven in, yet not quite a limo. He was stuffed in, wedged in next to Chloe, who had a mischievous smile on her face. She had definitely plotted something.  
  
They had arrived at a large studio building and before they could make a move, he and Pete were blind folded and each was brought to a separate back room. So now, here he was. He sighed. It was going to be a long day.  
  
The chants became louder and louder, and suddenly he realized where he was. The audience shouted "Jerry! Jerry!" louder and louder each time until they were silenced. Clark felt as if he would die from humiliation! He was going to leave, but he remembered the cameras. He couldn't chance exposing his secret, so he stayed. He supposed it wasn't that bad, since he was kind of curious as to why Chloe had brought him here.  
  
In the silence he heard a voice.  
  
"So Chloe, what brings you here today?" Jerry asked.  
  
"Well, Jerry, there is this guy, Clark, who I like. He loved me back once and I suspect he still does. I want him to choose between me and the other girl he likes, Lana. I believe there is also something he needs to tell me, and he knows what that is."  
  
Clark shuddered at the thought of his secret being revealed on national television. He saw the introduction of the next guest on the mini-screen.  
  
"Well we have a surprise for you Chloe. We would like to introduce our next guest, Ms. Lana Lang!"  
  
Lana walked out dressed in pink, as always, and she sat down in a chair away from Chloe. "He loves me Chloe so back off!" Lana yelled.  
  
"Then why did he go to the dance with me?" Chloe smirked.  
  
"He left you to come save me!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Yes he damn well did!!!"  
  
"Shut up you cheap imitation of Barbie!" Chloe yelled as she stood up and punched Lana square in the jaw.  
  
Lana stood up and uppercut Chloe, then she kneed her in the ribs. "Stupid jerk. I kicked your ass at school before and I'll do it again."  
  
Finally Steve and the other bodyguards stopped watching the catfight in awe and ran over, holding each of the girls back while they continued to kick and scream curses at each other.  
  
Meanwhile, Clark was sitting like a mouse on the large sofa in the back room. He had never seen Lana and Chloe like this. While he was flattered at the fact they were fighting over him, he didn't want them to kill each other. He had winced a little when Lana had kneed Chloe. That was definitely going to leave a mark.  
  
Once Chloe and Lana were sitting in their chairs, Jerry decided to introduce the next guest.  
  
"This may be a surprise Ms. Sullivan but we've brought someone here to see you. Will Ms. Lois Lane please come out?"  
  
Lois walked out onto the stage. She was really nervous. Wearing her normal black work outfit with high-heeled shoes, she looked very professional. Sitting next to Chloe, she said, "You're making a big mistake."  
  
"I'm what?" Chloe almost screamed at her cousin.  
  
"There are so many other men out there! Just go to Metropolis. Don't waste your time on this 'hack from nowheresville'."  
  
"How dare you not only insult my town but Clark too? And what's wrong with a farm boy, Lois, what?"  
  
Lois pulled back at the angry look in Chloe's eyes. "Just...trying...to...help," she said.  
  
"You stupid...you! Try to help somewhere else! You think you're so much better just because you're from Metropolis, well I'll show you a thing or two!"  
  
Then Chloe picked up her chair and chased a very frightened Lois around the stage. Lana, realizing exactly what Lois had said, forgot her battle with Chloe and began to chase Lois too. In the nick of time, Jerry introduced the next guest.  
  
Clark looked questioningly at the screen. He was pissed. Who the hell did Lois think she was, calling him a "hack from nowheresville?" He reached for the couch arm to calm himself, and it broke in his hands. "Crap," he said. Then he heard Jerry's announcement. "Next we would like to introduce Mr. Clark Kent himself."  
  
Knowing his cue, but not knowing if he wanted to be a part of the mayhem that now ensued, he cautiously walked out to the stage. As he entered, a string of "boo's" ran through the audience. He wanted to fry them all, but that would draw too much attention to him. He sat down in between Lana and Lois.  
  
"Who the hell you do think you are, calling me a 'hack from nowheresville', Ms. Lane?"  
  
"Um, err, well, I...wait a minute you little toad. Don't talk to me like that. I was only concerned for Chloe's well being considering that you never are."  
  
"What do you mean, I'm not?"  
  
"You hurt her feelings all the time."  
  
Chloe stood up. "Don't I have a say in this?"  
  
Both Clark and Lois glared at Chloe. Chloe ignored them. "Clark I want you to pick. Lana Lang or me!"  
  
"Uh..." Clark stammered.  
  
"Oh don't give me that bull Clark!" Lana shouted. "You know that it's me you want."  
  
Lois sighed and sat back in her seat. She needed an aspirin. Again, Chloe and Lana stood up and began to fight. Chloe grabbed Lana's hair, and Lana angrily gave Chloe a foot to the face. Chloe picked up a chair to block Lana's punches and kicks.  
  
Clark couldn't take it anymore. He ran over in front of Lana. "Stop! Both of you!"  
  
Before he realized it the chair that Chloe was holding was slammed down on his head, breaking into a million pieces. The audience as well as Lana, Chloe and Lois were all eyeing him suspiciously.  
  
"Uh-oh," he thought.


	2. Clark goes wild!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the characters nor the concept of Smallville and I am not affiliated with its actors, directors, creators, etc.

Thanks everyone for the great reviews. I hope you enjoy this second chapter.

* * *

Clark nervously looked around. All eyes were on him. Maybe he could fake it.  
  
"So how do you explain this, Clark?" Chloe said coyly, at the same time smirking.  
  
"Uh...shoddy workmanship?"  
  
"I assure you Mr. Kent, that our chairs are just fine." Jerry said impatiently. He had his arms crossed and was tapping his foot.  
  
Lois found this amusing. "Well, Chloe, not only is your 'prince' a 'hack from nowheresville' he's also a freak! How does it feel to like a guy that belongs on the 'Wall of Weird'?"  
  
For a second, Chloe forgot what had happened with Clark. "What the hell? You stupid hussy! I should staple you to it and put you on display for the world!" She picked up a splintered piece of wood from the broken chair. "This'll show you!"  
  
Again, Lois stood up and began to run. This time however, her heel broke and she went flying toward the floor, having the most painful looking face plant in the history of Jerry Springer.  
  
This time Lana stood up. "The fight's between us! Stop playing around with Ms. Snotface over there and get over here so I can kick your ass!"  
  
With Chloe momentarily distracted, Lois stood up and maintained her dignity. "Haven't you two forgotten about something?"  
  
They both looked in her direction. She pointed to Clark. Lana and Chloe shared and glance and both nodded.  
  
"Crap," Clark thought. "This doesn't look good."  
  
The girls picked up two more chairs and started toward Clark. The next thing they knew, Clark was running from both Lana and Chloe, who looked as if they were going to seriously harm him, or at least try.  
  
"Ahem!" Jerry cleared his throat. "We're going to introduce our next guest, so if you'd kindly return to your seats..."  
  
Reluctantly, they all sat down.  
  
"Please bring out Mr. Pete Ross!"  
  
The audience was indifferent as Pete walked out. Nobody really had a clue who he was, since he hadn't been mentioned.  
  
"Pete has a confession to make." Jerry announced.  
  
"Lana, I love you. I have since I first saw you." Pete told her.  
  
Lana looked as if to be in shock. "What?" she cried.  
  
"Oh come on!" Chloe whined. "Why the hell does Lana get every guy in existence? I mean, what does she have that I don't? Heck, I'm even smarter than her! And I don't complain every five seconds about my dead parents! Why does everyone like Barbie over there? And why does she love to steal my friends?"  
  
"Okay stop! Stop! Stop!" Lois cried. Everything went silent.  
  
"Chloe, you wanted Clark to pick you or Lana right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And now you want to know how the hell Clark did what he did, right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well what the hell are you waiting for?"  
  
All eyes looked at Clark.  
  
"So Clark, how is it that you can break things on your head?"  
  
"You know what? Look at the time!"  
  
"Oh no you don't!" Pete grabbed Clark by the collar. "It's about time you revealed something to these girls!"  
  
"On national television?"  
  
"Hey, if it gets me Lana..."  
  
"Pete, you son-of-a-..." Then Clark picked him up with one hand and started to squeeze.  
  
"Clark, man, what are you doing?"  
  
"Quiet. You're pissing me off." Clark stated, obviously annoyed. "You want to know what I can do? Fine. This is what I can do!" he stated to no one in particular. Then he threw Pete into the audience. "You can't have Lana, Pete. I love her!"  
  
"Sure man, sure." Pete coughed, happy he was able to breathe again.  
  
Clark grinned a devilish grin. He didn't like Lois, and since he had already revealed so much, he was going to embarrass her on national TV. "Hey Lois," he smirked. "I bet you didn't want the audience to know that you're wearing your Elmo underwear and bra set!"  
  
"How the f-?"  
  
"You wanted to know." He pointed to his eyes. "X-ray vision. Ha! That should knock you off your stupid pedestal."  
  
Chloe looked at Clark seductively. "Tell me what I'm wearing, Clark."  
  
Clark sighed. He had created a monster. "No." he said flatly.  
  
"Well you know what Clark, if you pick me then you can see all of my fancy lingerie wear, like the silk teddy I bought last month." She walked up to him and planted a kiss on his mouth. "And anything else you want to."  
  
Then Lana spoke up. "I could say the same. Clark, don't bother with Chloe, I'm a lot better looking than her. And I have just as much, if not more lingerie than she does."  
  
Clark started to think about how it would be to see Chloe or Lana or both in lingerie. "Stop it! Stop it!" he thought to himself. "Stop it, or you're going to set the place on fire." He could feel the warmth building up behind his eyelids. Clark sat down and thought to himself. "Dead cats, dead cats..."  
  
"Clark, what's wrong?" Chloe asked as she raced over toward him. "Open your eyes and look at me Clark. What's wrong?"  
  
Clark shook his head no. There was a desperate expression on his face. When he thought that it had stopped he opened his eyes, only to see Chloe's undergarments in front of him. Too late he realized he was using his x-ray vision. "Uh-oh," He thought.  
  
Immediately the walls began to catch fire and the guests began to panic. Steve and the other bodyguards tried to get something to put out the fire, to no avail. Pete was standing in the audience saying "Clark, man! You gotta stop it or you're gonna burn us all!" As if everyone didn't know enough already. Clark closed his eyes and opened them again, and the blaze stopped.  
  
Jerry looked at the singed wall. "Well everyone, looks as though we're gonna have to finish the show in an hour or so, after we get this fire out and the mess cleaned up." He gave Clark a death glare. "So join us again on..."  
  
The audience that was left chanted, "Jerry, Jerry..." And Clark, Chloe, Lana, Pete, and Lois were left to help clean up the building.  
  
_Next:_ A new guest is introduced, and the girls find out the truth about Clark. 


	3. The Man In the Blue Tights

Disclaimer: I don't own the show the characters, etc. of Smallville and Lois and Clark and I'm not affiliated with creators, producers, etc.  
  
To everyone that reviewed: Thank you very much for your comments. They are the essence of what encourages a writer to keep going. I appreciate the support greatly. Hope you all enjoy this chapter!  
  
Authors Note: This chapter contains a nice few Lois & Clark jokes, but for the most part, you don't need to know much about the show. Also, to clear up any confusion prior to the reading, Lois is the connection between the two. She herself is from the Smallville universe, but where she is also a character connected to both (Chloe's cousin, Clark's future fiancé) then she knows about the show Lois & Clark. The two universes mix and voila, we get Jerry Springer a la Smallville and Lois & Clark. Sorry if this is confusing, but it was just for a bit of fun. You know, the dramatic irony, lol. As for how such a thing can happen – well that's up to you.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon and Jonathon and Martha Kent where wondering where their son could have gotten.  
  
"I think Chloe came by earlier and he went somewhere with her." Martha told Jonathon.  
  
"Yeah, well he neglected to finish his chores."  
  
Jonathon let Martha know that he was going outside to replace the rotten fence posts near the edge of the property.  
  
"Sure honey, but can you switch on the television for me? It gives me a bit of company while you're outside." Martha said, while removing a pie from oven after baking.  
  
Jonathon walked into the living room and turned on the television. The channel was set to Fox Rochester. He heard the blare as the noise paraded through the room. It was a talk show, the most distasteful one he knew of – Jerry Springer. He was about to change the channel when Jerry made an announcement.  
  
"Now we're back with our guests Chloe, Clark, Lana, Lois and Pete after the mysterious fire that occurred earlier in the studio."  
  
Jonathon's jaw dropped. "Martha, I think you might want to see this."  
  
"What is it honey?" She walked into the room and was shocked at what she saw. "So that's where Clark is."  
  
Jerry went on to say, "As a recap, Chloe and Lana are fighting over Clark, Lois is trying to convince Chloe that she needs to find someone else, and Pete just admitted that he loves Lana. We've also learned part of Clark's secret he's been hiding."  
  
Martha could see Jonathon's temper begin to flare. "Just who the hell does he think he is anyway? I should go there right now and rip Jerry's head off! And what the hell does Clark think he's doing?"  
  
"Jonathon, calm down."  
  
"Like hell I will! Clark is on national television, Martha. National television! And they already know some of his secret! I'm going there right now!"  
  
Martha, realizing that it was no good to argue with him, gave in. "Okay," she said, "just give me a second to take the rest of the pies out of the oven."

* * *

Back on Jerry Springer...  
  
The audience finished chanting, "Jerry, Jerry!" and Jerry looked at the camera.  
  
"Alright," he announced. "So far we have five guests. We've established that Chloe and Lana both love Clark, but Clark only loves Lana back, and their relationship is restrained because Clark is keeping secrets. We've also learned that Pete loves Lana. Now, I would like to introduce Mr. Lex Luthor! Come out, Mr. Luthor."  
  
And so, Lex Luthor walked out from backstage. He walked in a very dignified manner, and was dressed in a black suit with a tie. He took his place in the seat next to Pete.  
  
However, Clark noticed something quite different about him. While the Lex he knew was supposed to be bald, this man had short, wavy, black hair. He also had a sinister smile replacing the friendly one Lex usually had. This couldn't be Lex, could it?  
  
"Hello, Clark," the new Lex said, and then completely turned his attention on Lois Lane. "Ms. Lane, you are most beautiful in your attire tonight. Would you care to join me tomorrow night for dinner at Chez Lion?"  
  
Lois looked at the man with utter disgust. "Uh, no! I don't even know you! Why the heck are you asking me out for dinner?"  
  
"Of course you know me, Lois. You were the first one that interviewed me, remember?"  
  
Lois scrunched up her eyebrows. "Okay then. You definitely have me confused with someone else."  
  
Chloe was sitting in her chair sulking. She looked at the new Lex. "I don't know who the hell you are but you are not Lex Luthor!"  
  
Clark stood up. "Okay, everyone just calm down and we'll figure it out okay."  
  
"Shut up, Kent!" 'Lex' said. "Or I'll tell the world your secret!"  
  
Clark went pale. "W-what secret?"  
  
The new Lex laughed. "It's so obvious, I'm surprised that Ms. Lane hasn't figured it out yet."  
  
"I don't believe you know anything at all!" Clark shouted, bravely.  
  
"Oh come on Kent, everyone knows that you're Superman!"  
  
"I'm whozit?"  
  
Lex laughed again, mockingly, as if to say, "Who doesn't know who Superman is?"  
  
Lois suddenly burst into laughter. "Oh I get it! Hey Lex, I think you're about 10 years ahead of yourself. You're too early! This is Smallville, not Lois & Clark!"  
  
Then everyone else followed suit, and soon everyone erupted into laughter at the new Lex. Lex bowed his head in defeat and shut up for the rest of the time being.  
  
Jerry looked confused. "Erm, okay well I'd like to introduce the real Lex Luthor!"  
  
Out walked the real Lex, again with his business suit but also having the normal, bald- head, which he usually sported. When he reached the other Lex, he glared at him.  
  
"Who the hell are you and why are you impersonating me? I mean I don't even look the least bit like you!"  
  
The other Lex sighed. "Forget it," he said.  
  
"I assure you that it's not something I forget about when someone walks in pretending to be me."  
  
And thus, the two Luthors were caught in a headstrong battle of wits.  
  
Out of nowhere, a man in his thirties wearing blue tights and a red cape walked onto the set.  
  
"Hey! I didn't introduce you yet!" Jerry yelled.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Clark asked.  
  
"Superman. Geez, I thought everyone knew who I was by now."  
  
Clark glared at the guy and immediately burst into tears laughing. He began to laugh so hard that he was rolling on the floor holding his gut.  
  
Pete looked at the guy. "You're wearing tights, and a cape," Pete said rather sarcastically. "So what do you do?"  
  
"Well, I help out wherever I can. I save people, and help with accident and emergency scenes. I'm usually in the Metropolis area."  
  
With this, Clark paled and ceased his gut-wrenching laughter. "W-what?" he stammered. Then the meaning of the 'other' Lex's statement about his secret became clear.  
  
"Yeah, you heard me."  
  
"How come I've never heard of you, then?" asked Chloe, the ever-intrepid reporter.  
  
"Actually, I haven't the faintest idea why. Most people have." He shrugged.  
  
"Oh my god. Oh my freaking god." Clark whispered, as his throat had gone completely dry.  
  
Superman pointed to Clark. "What's wrong with him?"  
  
"He's experiencing shock." Pete offered.  
  
"What's his name?" Superman asked.  
  
Pete smirked. "Clark Kent."  
  
Superman's smile suddenly faded. "But that's impossible!"  
  
The other Lex spoke up. "It makes things interesting doesn't it Superman?" He smirked.  
  
Lana, and Chloe stared ahead blankly. Lois had already caught on.  
  
Clark sat down, closed his eyes, and formed a ball. He began to rock back and forth. This had to be his most embarrassing moment. "I'm going to be that?" he thought. Then he sighed.  
  
Next (one or two chapters): Lex (the real one) reveals a shocking secret, Clark's origins become public news, Jonathon and Martha reach the set, and Chloe and Lana's dispute may be resolved! It's an ending you wouldn't expect! 


	4. Lex's Secret,Clark's Future

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the show and I'm not affiliated with the show.  
  
**Author's Note:** Just to clear up any confusion before it starts, Lex is the Smallville Lex, and 'Lex' is the Lex from Lois & Clark.  
  
**To Reviewers:** Thanks again for all your great reviews! I can't thank you enough! Keep them coming, they are greatly appreciated!

* * *

In the Jerry Springer studio at this moment are Clark, Pete, Lana, Lois, Chloe, Lex, 'Lex', and 'Superman'. Clark is in the floor in his balled up shape, rocking back and forth. Suddenly he has had enough and stands up. Again looking at the man in blue tights and a cape, Clark fights the urge to both laugh and cry at the same time.  
  
"Clark, man, you okay?" Pete asked.  
  
"Ask me that in about ten years..." Clark started, then he frowned and finished with, "or not." Then Clark smiled the biggest attitude smile he had and looked at Superman. "So..." he said.  
  
Superman was looking at his feet, a thing that Clark always did. "So..." he said back.  
  
Chloe began to burst into laughter as she completely caught on to the joke. "Oh my God!" she cried. "Clark, in tights! Ha that's great!"  
  
Lana looked at Chloe, and both forgot that they were even fighting over Clark at all. "You know Clark," she said, "blue really is your color."  
  
With this Clark turned even redder. "No! I refuse to become...that!"  
  
Superman turned and looked at him. "Hey! That's an insult!"  
  
Lex began to get in on the joke. "I always investigated you Clark, but I never thought that your secret would be this amusing!"  
  
"I can see it now on the front page of the Torch – Clark Kent models men's underwear! Wouldn't that be interesting?" Chloe smirked.  
  
"Uh, no it wouldn't!" Clark yelled, not amused.  
  
"Anyways, I have to ask this, but 'Superman' would you be interested in a interview for the Torch. Because, you know, we don't get many strange visitors from the future."  
  
"Or from another planet." 'Lex' said flatly.  
  
"What?" both Chloe and Lana said together.  
  
"Well of course. Everyone knows that Superman came here from another planet in a spaceship, and landed in Schuster's field as a baby. Then the Kents took him in, you know, the whole story." 'Lex' offered, bored.  
  
"Yeah, but since Clark and Superman are one and the same...oh gosh this is getting confusing," said Lana.  
  
Chloe picked up where Lana had left off. "I guess that would make you that baby, right Clark? So not only have you been hiding these cool powers from us, you've been hiding the fact that you're from another planet!"  
  
"Um, well..."  
  
"Oh, come on! They have you figured out. Even I wouldn't lie now." Superman added.  
  
"Who asked you?" Clark asked, glaring at Superman. Then he lost his temper. "And anyway, 'Lex' had the 'story' wrong. I wasn't a baby, I was three when I landed!"  
  
His outbursts were met with gasps and odd looks from everyone but Lois, Pete, and 'Lex'. Even Jerry was amused, and was leaning against the wall taking it all in.  
  
A security guard ran up to Jerry and whispered something to him, pointing in the direction of the door. Jerry looked up as Jonathon and Martha Kent walked out on the stage.  
  
"Clark, come on, we're leaving." Jonathon stated.  
  
"What? Dad, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Look, Clark, you've done more than enough damage for one day, and I'm taking you home before you do any more."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Telling the world your secret, like I told you never to do, for one!" Jonathon was furious.  
  
"Dad, I didn't! They knew already!"  
  
"Jonathon, calm down." Martha told him, and grabbed his arm to hold him back.  
  
Then Superman walked over. "You know, there's not much you can do about it now that the secret's out, so maybe it's not such a good idea to blow up on camera."  
  
"And who the heck are you?" Jonathon asked, looking at Superman's attire.  
  
"Superman."  
  
Clark sighed. "Let me just spell it out for you. This is supposed to be me in ten years, which I hope it's not, but..."  
  
"He's what?" both Jonathon and Martha gasped.  
  
Chloe, Lana and Lois burst into fits of laughter.  
  
"I'm glad you find this so funny." Clark told them.  
  
Superman looked at the Kents. "I'm afraid it's true. Somehow I'm here and I shouldn't be." Superman said.  
  
"Why the tights?" Martha asked.  
  
"Your idea, actually," he said.  
  
Martha eyed his tights. "I have a really bad fashion sense," she stated.  
  
Jonathon was still in shock from the fact that this was going to be his son in ten years. He thought of what Jor-el had said about Clark's destiny. "Clark, do you think this is what Jor-el was talking about when he said your destiny?" he asked.  
  
Clark's face went white. "I hope not!"  
  
Jerry walked up to Martha and Jonathon. "You're not supposed to be here," he said flatly.  
  
"I'm here to pick up my son!" Jonathon stated, getting angry.  
  
"If you don't mind I'm in the middle of a show and trying to focus on the last guest, but with hicks like you bursting into my building and onto my stage, it's kind of hard to do!" Jerry shouted.  
  
"I'll show you hicks, you..." Jonathon was pissed. "And while I'm at it, I'll tell you exactly what I think of your show, because you know what? All you ever have on this show is hicks! I bet you never worked a day..."  
  
"Jonathon, calm down!" Martha yelled.  
  
"Hicks, huh?" Clark said, glaring at Jerry. In some ways, Clark was like Jonathon. He didn't like people insulting his parents, or the farm.  
  
Jerry, seeing the look in Clark's eyes, and knowing that look could cost him thousands in renovations to his building, reluctantly had Jonathon and Martha sit down.  
  
"Okay, getting back to our show," Jerry began, "I believe Lex had something to reveal to Chloe."  
  
Lex turned toward Chloe. "Yes, I do, in fact. I believe that you are the most amazing person I've ever met in my life. All the hard work you do impresses me, as does your determination and spunk. I love you Chloe."  
  
"You do?" Chloe asked, surprised.  
  
Lex nodded.  
  
"That wasn't a very appropriate proposal. Besides, what does Ms. Sullivan have that Ms. Lane doesn't?" stated 'Lex'.  
  
Lois sighed.  
  
Lex stood up and picked up 'Lex' with both his hands, knocking over the chair 'Lex' was sitting on. "I suggest you keep your opinions and thoughts to yourself," he said, and 'Lex' noticed the gleam in Lex's eye. Then 'Lex' realized that must have been what it was like when someone looked into his eyes. It was frightening.  
  
"Lex?" Chloe asked.  
  
"Yes Chloe?" Lex responded, while dropping the other Lex on the floor.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
A look of shock was apparent on Clark and Lex's faces.  
  
"So you dragged me here to get me to like you, made me admit my secret on national television, and now you like Lex? That is just wonderful." Clark remarked.  
  
"I'm tired of waiting on you, Clark." Chloe said.  
  
"Besides, he likes me!" Lana yelled.  
  
"What about me, Lana?" Pete asked.  
  
"What about you, Pete?" Lana said, looking at Pete. He was hurt by the remark.  
  
Jonathon looked over at 'Lex'. "So who is this?" he asked.  
  
"I'm afraid that's the Lex from my world." Superman offered. "Not a very upstanding individual either, in my opinion. He lies, he cheats, and he murders..."  
  
Jonathon grinned a devilish grin. "Clark..." he said. "I told you so."  
  
Clark gave his dad a piercing stare.  
  
"What!" Lex growled. "You're giving me a bad name!" With that Lex, slugged 'Lex' and waited for him to stand up.  
  
Lana looked at Superman. "So where am I in this future of Clark's?" she asked.  
  
"Err...well..."  
  
"Just answer the question," Clark told him.  
  
"You're...not. I'm kind of in love with...someone else." Superman said softly.  
  
Clark's expression was one of pain, unhappiness and grief all at once. "You mean..."  
  
"You -I- got over her, Clark. God, it feels funny to say that."  
  
"Oh well," Clark sighed. "I guess I can't have everything. So who do I love?"  
  
"Well, I can't tell you that. I've already revealed way too much of your future."  
  
Clark didn't notice Lois hiding out in her chair. "Shit," she thought. "I forgot about that."  
  
Next: Who goes with whom? Will Clark's parents get him home? Will Superman go back to the future? All in the next chapter!


	5. Now what?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Smallville, and I'm not affiliated with it.  
  
**Author's Note:** Thanks again for the reviews! Keep them coming! P.S. I have lots of other stories to put up on the site so keep checking. I'm putting up more after exams finish next week!  
  
**Note:** This chapter, again, contains a large amount of Lois & Clark jokes. If you know the show, that's great, but if not, there should be sufficient information to fill you in. Also, if you don't know why, Lois is called 'galactically stupid' because she never figured out who Superman was. If you're really curious, then find the episode 'Tempus Fugitive' of Lois & Clark, Season 2 and watch it. It explains all! Mostly, just enjoy the story!

* * *

Clark was frustrated with this 'Superman'. First he told him that the love of his life wasn't in his future and then he wouldn't say whom Clark did like.  
  
Meanwhile, Lana was silently fuming in the corner. Then she stood up, pissed. "Well, Clark, if I'm not good enough to be in your future, then I'm not going to waste any time on you!"  
  
"Lana, will you go out with me, then?" Pete asked.  
  
"Yes, Pete, I will. I should've realized that there's more guys out there than Clark, and that you are just as good as him any day. You're a good friend, Pete, and I love you." To add insult to injury, she kissed Pete on the lips. Pete was in heaven.  
  
"But, Lana..." Clark began.  
  
"I don't want to hear it Clark. If I'm not going to be with you in the future then I'm not wasting my time on you now. I've already wasted enough. Here is Pete, who is willing to open up to me. I'm giving him a chance."  
  
Suddenly a portal opened and two men appeared in a time machine. One was short and small, had gray hair and glasses, and sported a weary look on his face. The other was dressed in a business suit, with sleek hair and a crooked smirk of pure evil that would make any person shiver.  
  
"Why, helloooo there!" one of the men cried, and then began a fit of evil laughter.  
  
"Oh, dear," muttered the older one.  
  
"What's the matter Herb? Your theory worked! Superman and Lex are here, just like I wanted!"  
  
Superman looked at the time machine. "Tempus," he stated.  
  
"Would someone mind telling me what's going on?" Chloe asked, over the ruckus.  
  
"Why sure, my dear." Tempus answered. "I masterminded this plan so that Superman and Lex would be sent back in time to when Superman was an adolescent, and it worked beautifully, I must say. And now here he is, talking to his past self, revealing his future. Oh, God I love irony. Well, what do you know? Even Miss Lane is here. The most galactically stupid woman who ever lived!"  
  
"What did you call me?" Lois yelled.  
  
Immediately Superman and Clark both ran toward the time machine and as soon as they reached close proximity, they both felt weak and drained, and fell to the floor in a heap.  
  
Tempus brought up a piece of kryptonite in his hand. "You didn't really think I was going to leave the future without some of this, did you?"  
  
Herb pushed Tempus over so that he dropped the kryptonite in the time machine. "Tempus, you've got to stop this!" he said.  
  
"Or what? Utopia will be destroyed? But Herb, that's the point!" Then Tempus chuckled.  
  
By this time Superman and Clark had recovered and were standing up, moving towards Tempus again. Jonathon and Martha were dumbfounded watching their current and future son go after this villain. Jonathon looked at Herb. "Who are you? And what is Utopia?"  
  
"I'm H.G. Wells, and this is my time machine. Unfortunately, it has a bug." He pointed to Tempus.  
  
"Shut up, old man." Tempus said, as he found his gun and pointed it at Herb. "Nobody move or Herb dies."  
  
"How do we know that he's not working with you?" Clark yelled.  
  
"Would I kill my own partner? Wait a minute, yes I would. I guess you don't know then, do you?" He laughed. "But if you don't want him to die, then you won't come any nearer."  
  
Clark stopped, but Superman reached Tempus and picked him up. "That's about enough out of you," he said, as he crushed the gun in his hand.  
  
"Show off," Clark mouthed. Even though he could do that himself, he wouldn't have displayed it so openly.  
  
"Wait a minute," Chloe said, "you're the H.G. Wells? The fiction writer?"  
  
"Well, my dear, if it was fiction would I be here?"  
  
"Probably not."  
  
"Quite." He brushed himself off and stepped out.  
  
"What's Utopia?" Clark asked again.  
  
Tempus, although being held up in Superman's grasp, still wanted to ruin the future. "Clark," he said, "Utopia is a time when the world is at peace. In short, no sex, no violence, and there are 1000 channels and still nothing on! This boring 'paradise' was founded by you..."  
  
Superman tightened his chokehold. "He doesn't need to know that."  
  
In less than a second, Tempus was tied up and sitting in the time machine, but they couldn't keep his mouth shut.  
  
"Oh, the irony," he said. "I bet you don't even realize that you'll be able to fly, do you? Oops. I wasn't supposed to tell you that was I?"  
  
Clark looked at him, and then eyed Superman. "Fly?" he said. "No thanks. I'm afraid of heights."  
  
Herb looked at Clark. "Tempus originally wanted to travel back in time and kill you when you landed. Lucky for us that Superman, ahem, you got to him in time."  
  
"Okay, you know what? That's enough of my future for the day. I'm done." Clark yelled. "I'm only going to need counseling for the rest of my life as it stands now!"  
  
"Not really, my boy. You see I can travel back in time to before Tempus sent Superman back and stop all this from happening."  
  
"Wouldn't that create some sort of paradoxical vortex of time?" Chloe asked.  
  
"Yes, and no. It's quite complicated, really."  
  
Lana stood up and looked oddly at H.G. Wells then oddly at Clark.  
  
Clark glanced pleadingly at Lana, but she shook her head. His shoulders slumped and he sat in place on the floor. He had lost Lana for good. He didn't even care about his secret now, not that it was much of a secret anymore. Lana took Pete's hand and began to lead him out of the studio.  
  
"Hey, you can't do that! The show's not over yet!" Jerry yelled, sprinting over to block them.  
  
"I can do whatever the hell I please!" she yelled back, and she and Pete walked out of the studio to the outside of the building to get away from the madness.  
  
"Well I'd say that went well." Jonathon said.  
  
"Jonathon!" Martha said.  
  
Lex stood up and walked over to Herb. "Are you telling me that the lump in that chair over there is me ten years from now?"  
  
"Quite, actually. Sorry my boy, but unfortunately you are going to be like your father."  
  
"Not if I can help it." Lex stated, quite angrily, and then pointed to Herb. "I've had about enough of him." Lex said to Chloe, as he grabbed her hand and began to lead her out.  
  
"Wait!" Chloe screamed. "I want to ask him something." Lex sighed.  
  
"Mr. Wells! I'd like to do an interview with you for the Torch. It's not like every day the H.G. Wells comes to town with a time machine."  
  
"I'm sorry my dear, but I'm afraid that there is already enough damage done to the time stream. I already believe that I will be unable to fix this occurrence in Clark's life."  
  
Suddenly, 'Lex' spoke up. "You know, Superman, I don't know why I've hated you all these years. You were right, I was going too far with my business."  
  
Superman's mouth dropped. "What?"  
  
Lex smirked at 'Lex' and H.G. Wells. "What was that garbage about how I was going to be in the future? I think I might have just changed it."  
  
"Okay, it's about time I brought you both back to your future." Herb said to Superman and 'Lex'. "Both of you, when returned to your proper time period, will have this memory. There is nothing I can do to change that, sorry."  
  
"It'll probably work out for the better." Superman said.  
  
"I wish there were some way to change this memory." Clark said, pointing to his head.  
  
Everyone laughed. Superman and 'Lex' sat in the time machine and Herb started it up. "Nice to have met you all," he said.  
  
"Same to you, I think," replied Clark.  
  
Then the machine that resembled a turn-of-the-century horse and buggy began to glow and shimmer, and poof, it disappeared in a puff of smoke.  
  
Immediately Chloe looked at Clark. "So Clark..."  
  
Clark sighed, Jonathon gave Chloe a large glare, and Lois laughed.  
  
"What's so funny?" Clark asked Lois.  
  
"Tell you later."  
  
"Clark, I want an interview," stated Chloe in a very determined voice.  
  
"You what?"  
  
"Yep. You are proof that life exists elsewhere in the universe! Don't you realize how big this is?"  
  
"I've been living with it all of my life. Well, since last year."  
  
"Somehow I knew you'd say that. Besides, Clark, everyone knows anyway. It was just on national television. Hey, even Superman flies around in public and no one comes to take him away!"  
  
"Please don't say that." Clark asked of her. "And about the interview, I guess so."  
  
Chloe let out a yelp and a thank-you and told Clark she would talk to him later. She and Lex held hands and walked off the stage. Clark felt a bitterness that could only come from the fact that the two girls he could have had were both lost to him now. His stomach churned and did a large back flip. It was the first time Clark felt nauseated.  
  
The only people left were Jonathon, Martha, Clark, and Lois. Jonathon and Martha began to leave and motioned for Clark to follow.  
  
"We can't just leave Lois here." Clark said.  
  
Martha suggested that she come to the house for dinner, which went over very well with Jonathon. They began to duke it out on the stage. Meanwhile, Lois walked over to Clark. Clark remembered that Lois was laughing throughout the whole ideal.  
  
"What do you know that I don't?" Clark asked her.  
  
"A lot of things," she stated. "Ask me a question."  
  
"Okay. Who do I love in the future?"  
  
Lois began to giggle profusely until she was laughing so hard her sides felt like they would split.  
  
"What?" Clark asked.  
  
"Me."  
  
Clark's face went blank and surprised at the same time. "Yeah right," he said, not really believing it.  
  
"It's true."  
  
"Wait a minute, it all makes sense now. You didn't want Chloe to like me because..."  
  
"Looks like you have me figured out, you hack from nowhere Ville."  
  
"Hey!" Clark expressed. Then he thought about what Lois had said. "So you mean to tell me that everything that was left out had to do with you?"  
  
Lois nodded.  
  
"So you mean, the whole Utopia thing was founded by me and..."  
  
"And me. Exactly."  
  
Clark looked dumbfounded again.  
  
"Looks like we're going to be together for a long time, Clark."  
  
"God, this is weird."  
  
"I know, isn't it?" Lois laughed.  
  
Suddenly Clark had a growing interest in his future. "What else can you tell me?"  
  
"Well, you'll work at the Daily Planet, and you'll wear glasses."  
  
"What for?"  
  
"To cover up your secret identity."  
  
Clark began to laugh very hard. "What idiot thinks that a pair of glasses will stop people from recognizing him?" Then the realization hit him. "Oh. I got to stop doing that."  
  
Lois looked at Clark. "So am I still invited to dinner?" she asked.  
  
"You might be."  
  
Clark was amused at this girl who seemed to know more about him than he did about himself. She wasn't so bad after all.  
  
Martha and Jonathon let up and Martha asked Clark if he and Lois were coming, which they were.  
  
"Why are you two so happy?" Jonathon asked.  
  
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, dad."  
  
With that they walked off the stage and piled into the truck for the drive home.  
  
As they drove off, one could hear Clark muttering, "...and what kind of a name is Superman anyway...and why wear glasses...and flying? I will never fly in my life!"

* * *

Jerry was left bewildered at the turn of events.  
  
"What do you mean it all worked out? It's never supposed to work out!" he yelled.  
  
Sighing he walked over to his stool and sat down. Looking at the camera, he began, "Love triangles are often a hot topic, especially when your partner is not completely open with you. Often in our lives we can't make a choice between the ones we love, and often we get unexpected results. When two of these things combine, it turns into a disaster. Remember to talk things through, and open up instead of fighting to solve your problems. Take care of yourself, and each other."  
  
With that, Jerry stood up and walked off the stage. In the Kents' home, the television could be heard in the living room with the end music of Jerry Springer playing, and the audience shouting, "Jerry! Jerry!"

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**Thanks for reading! Keep an eye out for my other stories soon!**


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